For years, I’ve tried to fit in at different jobs and social settings. Each time, there was always a bit of awkwardness from at least one person in the room. I couldn’t figure out why. So I would downplay me and it didn’t help my case either way. Last January, I saw the most incredible quote ever: “Stop breaking yourself down into bite sized pieces. Stay whole and let them choke.-Anonymous” This quote resonated with me so much because I was tired of not fitting in settings where my peers were. I finally had to realize I wasn’t fitting in, because I was born to stand out.
Don’t lose yourself in the chaos.
Over the years it was easy for my insecurities to get the best of me when I would make mistakes. I wasn’t affirming myself daily or always looking on the bright side. I was getting lost in life and the woes of motherhood. I was trying to do everything and be everything to everyone around me. In doing all of those things, I got lost in the sauce. So when others spoke about the light I carried, I couldn’t see it. I couldn’t imagine what it would look like. I couldn’t see it initially because life had been buried it deep. Deep within the walls of shame, blame, pain, depression and more. I had to unearth all of these things in order to get a glimpse at what others could see in me.
Rediscovering me…
In my adventures of healing, I was able to rediscover who I was. I was able to see why certain people couldn’t be my friend or why it didn’t work out at certain jobs. Now the why, didn’t make the hurt feelings go away any faster, but it brought on a new perspective. This perspective helped me to forgive those who betrayed me. (Shameless plug: My book is launching in 2022)
Release the hurt, the pain and the anger…
I didn’t realize how much I had been holding onto until one day, I decided to write down everything I had been through over the last two years. The emotions would well up to the surface and I knew I had pain there. So a few months went past and I continued to write and it didn’t hurt as much. Last month, I went back in and no tears fell. It was at that moment, I realized I had moved past it. I had released those people and situations from unforgiveness.
I didn’t need their apologies. I needed to see me from a new lens to understand that I am not for everyone. The more I released, the brighter I shined. The more whole I became. I was no longer a broken vessel, but a whole person.
What are you releasing as we get ready to walk into 2022?
I invite you to take some self inventory about the light you carry. Can you see your own light or is it hidden behind the walls of past grievances? What are you releasing as you get ready to step into 2022? You do not need to wait until next year to do what you are able to start right now. That doesn’t mean it’s an overnight process, but it does mean that it will be worth it.
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