My first loss…

Being at the hospital alone can be terrifying especially when you aren’t sure what is happening. Its even worse when the doctors and/or nurses appear to not be on your side. Its like am I really here all alone or is there someone actually fighting with me in my corner? The day I miscarried for the first time was confusing. I wasn’t too sure what my body was doing and the doctors had me in an out of testing. The waiting part was the hardest. I was in so much pain and I had never felt pain like this before. I tried staying calm, but it was a frustrating experience.

To the women who have miscarried, I want to acknowledge the pain that it comes with. Sometimes it’s just emotionally exhausting. Then there are times when its physically taxing on the body. My first pregnancy resulted in miscarriage. Now being a mom to three, I have had experiences of giving birth. My first miscarriage felt like I was in labor. That’s how intense the pain was from cramping.

I know for some people that may seem a bit much, but I want those who have not experienced it to know that there is so much more to miscarriage, infant loss and still born than just the mental/emotional aspects. There are some physical pains that may be felt and those pains are not on a small scale, but can be felt on a grand one. When I was at the hospital I was told that the loss could be done in 1 of two ways. It could be lost naturally without them interfering or it could be done through a D &C (dilation and curettage) procedure. I was able to experience the loss naturally, but thinking about those who may have to have a D&C is hard to fathom. The idea of the loss is already hard to come to terms with so having to do a procedure for them to complete it can really do a number of your emotional state.

First and foremost, I want to say that I hardly tell anyone about this day. I don’t relive this day or time in my life because of how hard it was to move forward. I share this because although I have my three beautiful babies, they didn’t come easily. They came after heartaches and not feeling like my body would ever be able to carry a child. Although, my three children are here with me I am reminded that I have 3 who are up in Heaven as well. I bless God for allowing me to have some here with me while He has my others up with him.

So my charge to you is simple. If you have a friend or family member that has children, do not discredit the journey she had to get them. You never know the bouts of pain that was experienced or endured to get to where she is now. Check on your pregnant friends, check on those trying to conceive and check on those who have experienced a loss. Your story counts regardless of how far along you were and how long you knew. Your story counts regardless if you have children or not. Its your story and no one else can tell it better than you can. Speak up and share. You never know who can be encouraged by what you have been endured.

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