All alone…

Last week, I was telling you about me finding out about being pregnant for the very first time and how I was planning everything. I was thinking about my move to another state and how this would all take place. I was too excited and couldn’t contain the good news. There were friends from work and family members that I told. Some were excited and others warned about the fun journey I was getting ready to embark on. But no one could prepare me for what came next.

One day, I started feeling a bit weird and off. I noticed some cramping and other symptoms and immediately felt the need to get checked out. I wasn’t prepared for what was ahead of me. I didn’t have anyone who could go with me. My boyfriend was in a whole different state and my parents were on their way to work. So here I was alone heading to the hospital hoping they had an explanation for the way that I was feeling. All the while, I was googling myself into a rut about the possibilities. I knew a miscarriage could be the case, but I was hoping that wasn’t the fate.

A waiting room full of expecting moms awaited me. Some with small bellies and others with large bellies. Some with their significant other and others alone. I sat there and really wondered, was I the only one sitting there wondering if what was inside of me still alive or was it dying? I hated that feeling of sitting and waiting to be called to see what would be the result of this visit. Now I have never been pregnant before, but I would assume the way that you are treated would be more to keep the mom feeling calm versus causing more harm.

Sadly, that was not my experience. At the time of my visit, I explained what was going on and was told that it might be a good thing if the baby was miscarrying because I was so young. That comment broke my heart in more ways than 1. I was 20 years old, a high school graduate and working on my associate’s degree. What more did I need to do to prove that I was able and capable of making a sound decision regarding my life? But this is what I was presented with?

How many times have you found yourself excited about something and surrounded by people who couldn’t be excited for you? Or what about those who were too caught up in their own opinions to acknowledge where you were in your journey. Moments like this steer how we approach life. Life is much more complicated than we care to say and sometimes we leave important moments like this to ourselves afraid to divulge to anyone else.

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