Last week, I gave you a glimpse into my faith walk during this event. I could have let all of you believe that I held it together, but that would be far from the truth. I tried to though. I tried to keep it to myself and move forward as though life wasn’t beating me. I tried to hold smiles when I saw my other children back at home while trying to explain to their dad the news of the day.
I would be lying if I said my support system was flawless. They didn’t really know what to say. They did what they thought was best. But a lot of it wasn’t what I needed or wanted to hear. No one had the right words or things to say to me. Although they meant well, it felt like I was the only one going through this. Of course, I wasn’t but to be honest it didn’t feel like anyone else knew my pain. I couldn’t connect with anyone.
It felt like the world weight of the world was on my shoulders. I was at the hospital from 12-24 hours a day. There were times I would stay for a few days in a row before going home to refill my overnight bag of snacks and clothes. Just so I can go right back and do it all over again.
Even though my world for him stopped, my life kept going. I had to still pick up my kids from school due to their dad’s work schedule. I still had to go grocery shopping. I still had to pay bills. I still had a job that was expecting me to return to work in the middle of this because I had max out my maternity leave and didn’t qualify for Family Medical Leave ACT (FMLA).
You see even though the world was on pause while I was in his hospital room, my mind knew it wasn’t like that on the outside of the hospital walls. I knew as soon as I stepped outside I would be playing catch up to a clock that I couldn’t stop.
My Biggest Takeaway
My biggest take away is finding something to be grateful for through it all. Find the focus point. For me, every day was a challenge, but I was learning to give it to God and surrender. It wasn’t easy and it took time. But I knew that this was not a burden that I could carry forever. I encourage you to seek God, in your time of need and lay down those heavy boulders on the altar. Let Him relieve you of those emotions and stress. Let Him fill you up with his joy and peace. Let Him be the healer and miracle worker that He is. If he did it for me, then I know He can do it for you too.
Sit back and take a deep breath.
I can understand in tough situations, that it may feel like the world is on your shoulders, but I want to encourage you to lighten that load. If you have people in your corner who truly want to help, delegate some tasks to them.
Serious situations can make you feel out of sorts. That understandable. It’s okay to feel that, but don’t get stuck there. Keep moving forward.
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